Evening Guest

Yesterday after dinner the family and I got out of the house. Getting out of the house is just a fancy way of saying we bummed around at a couple of local stores due to the fact that we were bored at home. It was about 7pm when the journey started and about 8:30 pm when it ended. It was an abrupt ending with a small bit of a fuss with the boy. Sad.

Then we were home and the dog must be fed. After the dog is feed it is inevitable that she must go out. So out she went on her leash to the front yard. On the way back in I glanced at my potted plants on the porch. (Oh the story of trying to grow tomatoes in a back room. Trying only to find out there wasn't enough light and forcing you to stick them on the porch late in the summer.... oh the story.) Glancing away from the pots to open the door my eye spotted something in the dim porch light. 

Oh my, it looks like we have a temporary guest and we didn't even know it.

I wondered were the holes in the dirt were coming from. Silly me, I thought it was the neighborhood cats. Nope, not so. It was just a fellow froggy.

A public admission

Hello My friends! *sighs* Yet again it has been a while since I wrote. Then when I did it was to talk about the death of my poor bunny. So, I am going to write this quick post and then write another post to drown out this one because I really hate to bring people down. (ETA: it's not as short as I thought it would be so feel free to skip it.)

It may not be obvious to the people that read this blog but I have a condition that millions of people have. For YEARS I really thought I could just make myself work. I felt like I was just being a lazy slack ass. That really deep inside I had all these brilliant (or at least really decent) ideas and all I had to do was make myself do it. Maybe I just needed to be more organized. Perhaps if I learned to structure my day better by scheduling my time I could totally capitalize on the GENIUS that was my brain. (Yes, I do think highly of myself at times.)

Sadly, as I grew up, finished college, married (and adopted my then stepson) I realized that my life wasn't going to work out that way. See, I was constantly switching modes (and stress only made it worse.) I would hear my husband say something and just snap. Sometimes there was a point to it but more often than not I just associated the comment wrongly in my head. I always felt like I was being attacked even when he was being encouraging. I was always tired minus a few good days any given month. Seriously, I was all drama. Of course I managed to keep the main damage at home. However, it was stressful trying to be Ms. Personal at work and that just upped the ante whenever I was home. Eventually it got worse. I knew it was bad when everything my son said grated my nerves, ever thing my husband said grated my nerves and everything I did just sucked, all the time!

So I finally went back to the doctor. I say back because every time I previously went I was doped up on medications that made me feel like crap and gave me extremely poor sleep including vivid and scary dreams. Starting in college I was diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, Anxiety and Bi-polar. Really it shouldn't have been surprising that I would need medication to help with the day to day tasks of life. I can't even begin to count how many times my mom said "It's not fair for everyone to have to tiptoe around you like you are on eggshells." Or better yet, the number of times I was told I was throwing a temper tantrum... so much so one of my sisters wrote the definition and taped it to her door. (We're not talking under the age of ten either.)

So a few years ago I went back to the doctor to seek help. He was just a general practitioner but I felt comfortable with him and described my problems. I also made it very clear that while I was willing to take medicine, I was not willing to be doped up all the time "trying to find" the medicine that was best for me. I was working full time and was the sole income provider so I couldn't miss time from work for crazy side effects.

Well, the first difference was that the doctor said that all my symptoms were classic signs of depression. Depression! Ding Ding Ding! Hell, I can deal with that but why did people keep telling me bi-polar. Did you know if your depressed you have to take different medications then those with Bi-Polar? If your misdiagnosed and take the wrong meds it can have serious side affects. So, after talking through my previous trials and errors we discovered one medicine I had taken in small doses during college that didn't have bad side effects. And it was an antidepressant dammit! All that wasted time on bi-polar meds that were screwing me up and making it hard to navigate the day... harder than before.

Well, I took medicine for the depression for around two years and then I lost my job. My prescription, thankfully, didn't run out for another 6 months. Sadly, I could afford the prescription itself on the unemployment income, but it was the office visit to the doctor that was out of the question. Then we considered the Health Department but unfortunately there was like a 3 month wait on appointments and I just kept thinking I would get a job by then so I could go back to my regular doctor.

That didn't happen and that hasn't happened. So now I am here. Sometimes its a few days and other times its a few weeks. Most of the time it is somewhere in between. I don't know if it was worse before, when I didn't know or if it is worse now that I know it can be better. I can actually fly into a rage and midway through know I'm being irrational and still not be able to stop myself. That hurts. It hurts me and its not fair to my husband or my son.

We finally got up the courage to call the Health Department again and I have an appointment in approximately 2 weeks. I both dread it and look forward to it. I'm just tired right now. I feel lost a lot of the time. What I really want right now is to be in the mental position I was a year ago. True, I was without a job but I was more together than I had been in years. I just want that feeling back.

So don't worry if I don't post for long periods of time. I'm still around just not in the mood for in depth conversations. Hopefully by the end of this month I won't have to worry about that as much though. Seriously, I'm naturally very talkative... so much so, as evidenced by the nature of this post. I've just been feeling painfully honest and needed to get it out. Tonight seemed as good as any but I promise not to write such dark posts in the future. Cross your fingers and wish me luck. Thanks!

Movement

Sometimes brilliant thoughts strike at the least likely moment.
Today, I took my dog out to the yard to do her business as I often do (or as my husband often does... it seems often anyway.) I took a step off the porch and stopped to let her do her thing at which point I immediately noticed the post sunset chill that had crept into the air. Suddenly I was ready to go back inside and quickly. Since Ms. Pepper didn't seem to be ready to do anything I started to pull on her leash and make a motion toward the door. She wasn't ready though and so I stopped. (You can't rush a dog or you'll find yourself in the same spot five minutes later.) Funny thing was that I stopped mid-motion. I had literally just stepped forward to turn and that was how I stopped.

And it hit me.



How do you get anywhere? By placing one foot in front of the other.

What's so funny about this? Nothing.

So why are you telling me this dog goes poopy story?
It's because of what I learned (or realized or better yet remembered) in that moment. It's because movement is about taking one step and placing it in front of the other. That is such a hard concept sometimes but it is so very literal. I deal with this issue a lot right now. Whether it's dealing with family, friends, unemployment, "being froggy fibers" or even handling my issues with depression. I have to learn when to move. And it's hard. I mean really hard. Some issues are harder than others even.

When do you move forward? When do you stop? How do you change directions? I don't know the answer for me so I'm certainly not going to pretend that I can tell anyone else. I just know that it was a very light-bulb moment for me. As I stand there frozen one foot forward, arms mid-swing waiting for my dog to go. I realized that the only way I'm going to see some change in my life, in my online store, in my job/career choice is to start putting one foot in front of the other and create the movement I need. Sure, there will be bumps in the road that will set me back a few paces. But when they do, I'm going to make sure that I turn around and face those steps head on. Because even if I have to retrace some steps, once I turn around those steps are in front of me again. Now I will have the experience of having walked that path before and I can put one foot in front of the other and decide what my movement will be. I will know that a few steps back down a path I've already tread doesn't mean I lose control of what road I will take in the future.

See, I'll be thirty next month. I have my whole life ahead of me. Sometimes that seems like such a weight, sometimes a relief, sometimes like I am just really, really old and have accomplished nothing. Tonight, when I go to bed, I'll wonder how something as simple as taking the dog out to go poop can bring about inspiration. (Yes, there I said poop!) I'll probably giggle a little too. Cause, you know, I'm sooooo mature.

******

On a related note, not 5 minutes after having this epiphany I found myself reading Tingling Towards Progress over on Make & Meaning. It's good reads... even if it has to do with feet. Talking as someone who only likes to see feet on the floor and no where near me, it's kinda odd the inspiration they can prompt.

I need a larger house/dedicated craft space

AKA... We started unpacking decorations for the impending holiday. Talk about stress, this picture is near the end of moving all my items out of the dining room so that we can set up the Christmas tree. In the back are the Christmas decorations, in the front of the picture are the bits and bobs left to move to the bedroom.
Said Christmas tree which has not been put up yet. That was Saturday, this is Tuesday. hmmm......

hi!

So, I haven't written over a month and there is almost no excuse for that. Several times I wanted to write but it just didn't happen...

Okay... to be honest there is an perfectly valid excuse. I lost my internet connection. It's not unknown... or at least I think its not unknown that I was laid off from my job in February 09. That said money is tight... it was before the job cut and it definitely is now. However, I try not to bore people to often with my trials and tribulations. I leave the earful to my husband (who in his own right is headed into crazy with all this.)

I just wanted to pop in to let everyone know that I now have a reliable internet connection and I will proceed to start making posts again. I've already got one in mind for the next couple of days it just depends on how this shopping trip goes tomorrow.

So... that being said, how are you? I missed talking to my friends via Etsy, Twitter and Facebook and would love to catch up. I hope all of you are doing well as we end this fabulous year. =D

Pet Post: Pepper and Family

I really adore my our puppy dog. She is so lively and fun but so peaceful and cute at the same time. Here is a picture of her chilling on the coach with TheBoy. (Which is amazing in itself since he is laying on the couch and she is not licking him.)


This is her and Jay watching TV on any random night. Well, he is watching TV, she just wants to be close to her people. They make an adorable couple, don't you think. ;D

Protege and Knifty Thrifties

Yesterday I didn't get much spinning done for the September Challenge. What I did do was spend some time attempting to teach my son how to spin on a wheel. He previously tried spinning on the spindle which was moderately successful. We both tend to have short leashes on failure and frustration so the spindle went to the wayside. However, the other day he expressed an interest in learning to spin on the wheel. So yesterday we worked a little on treadling and then on trying to add the twist to the fiber. (Okay, we actually did some "drafting" but we will have to come back to that later.) At the end I had him practice his treadling some more. 30 -40 minutes was all we spent working on it but we will try again today. Short lessons are definitely best for our collective temperaments.



Outside of the yarn challenge I wanted to share my recently thrifty finds. Okay Okay... really its another eagle-eyed husband find and some books. While running some errands we stopped by the local Goodwill in town to see what type of items they had available. As we were passing by the normal section of goods my husband turned me into an aisle and said "Look, isn't that one of those knitting things?"



Sure enough he had found a Knifty Knitter Loom at the Goodwill. Even better, it was only $2 bucks, the complete loom set and came with instructions. After securing our purchase, we moseyed over to the GoodBooks Cafe to browse. I went to my normal craft and hobbies section but didn't expect anything. Usually the books in the craft section are old and not very useful but I got a great surprise this time. Two relatively recent knitting books in hand and a knifty knitty loomy thingy. Not sure what to do with the loom since I know how to knit already but I always wanted one so... there you have it. A little spinning, a little knitting, a little reading and a little thrifty adventure.


Come Join the Fiber Arts Friday Blog Fun at AlpacaFarmGirl.com.

ALL FIXED... kinda.

So I don't want to bore anyone with the details of getting stitches pulled out after carpal tunnel surgery. I will say... yes, you can feel them being removed... and it stings!
However, since I didn't bore you with those details, I will instead gross you out with up close images of the surgeried area. Is that a word, no... well pretend it is.

Here is a how my wrist look immediately after having the stitch removed. (Well, after we got home....) That my friend is the extent of the cleaning they did. Apparently those moist towelettes you get at the chicken wing joint is cleaning enough err... just add alcohol.








This is how my hand looks now that I have been able to wash it (first time since the surgery) and let it air dry.






I have to go back in 4 weeks to make sure the tenderness has gone away and that I will not have to do any physical therapy. Until then all I have to do is use it like normal typing, knitting, sewing etc as long as I don't lift anything over 1b and massage the area at the crook of the hand to relieve swelling.
So... I guess that's it. I promise not to have anymore gross out photos of scars in the future. Mostly cause I don't plan to have anymore.

Look at my scars, I'm really really brave!

Isn't that generally what warriors consider marks of pride? Well, I don't know what type of scar I will have but I thought I would show off the initial battle damage.



I had surgery to correct carpal tunnel syndrome in my right wrist. I am predominantly right handed, used the mouse with my right hand and regularly used a ten key calculator at my former place of employment. Due to all the factors, regardless of being laid off, my former employer is responsible for my pain (and suffering.. but that's another story and they actually aren't responsible for the mental suffering but sometimes I think they should be... =P)

So, after months and months of waiting to find out what can be done to correct this.... the workers comp people finally approved my surgery.
Typing is tiresome because I am back to pecking the way I did before I had two corporate, manual entry style jobs. Also, the problem with this blogging is that I tend to go with stream of thought and my hands can't keep up. Well, I always thought quicker than my fingers can type but this is almost painful. (Thank goodness times two for spell check.) Here is a side ways view of my arm. I'll have to keep this short... maybe stick to Twitter for a few days, I dunno. Luckily, the percentage of improvement is high statistically and once the initial pain goes away I should be able to do just about everything I normally do even with the bandage wrapping still on. I mean everything from knitting to crocheting to sewing. Okay, I can't dye any since my wrist can't get wet but its only a few days till I can. Wish me lots of patience that I don't try to over extend my wrist/hand the next couple of days. Once I'm healed though.. watch out, I'm taking this hand for a workout. (Get yer minds outta the gutter!)

Writing and Working

Sometimes I find it difficult to find topics that I believe others will find interesting. Even though that is not necessarily the point of a blog I have difficulties writing about things if I think no one would be interested. That's the primary reason this blog will go 7-10 days without a post. It's a crap reason, but its a reason. I try to break myself of this habit as I am at the computer everyday without fail. I chat in the Etsy forums, I stare at my Etsy shop, I tweet away on twitter. I mean I am literally and without fail on the computer but for the most part it is a time suck. Productivity is a far and distant place in my life right now but totally something that needs to come visit and stay for a long time real soon.

One thing I have made progress on is applying for employment. Problem is most of it is out of state and I just don't believe people are taking me seriously. Seriously, you can send all the resumes you want but when unemployment is at an all time high since the Great Depression (or whereabouts) I'm less likely to convince an employer to higher me from way across the country. My current state is 1 - 1.5% higher than the unemployment rate for the nation. The state I'm looking at moving to is about 1% lower than the national average. The rate of new (legitimate) job postings for my state is maybe 15 a day, none in a reasonable range of my experience. The rate of postings for my possible future state is like 35-40 per day at least 5-6 of which includes positions utilitzing my most recent work experience.

The odd things you realize...

...when you go to a spinning group meeting. I had an epiphany today.

We were all enjoying a late spinning group this month due to the Easter holiday and luckily one of our regular spinning buddies was able to make the meeting this month. Catching up on past events I mentioned the accident we had and the fact that I got laid off from my last job in a pretty nonchalant sort of manner. I hadn't put much thought into it but November to January happened very quickly. Of course, anyone who knows me can tell you I was more shaken up by the car accident then the job situation. Sure, the economy is lousy and we don't have a bundle saved up... but really whatcha gonna do? A little later I was talking with the same spinning friend and mentioned that my birthday had just past and that I was really excited this year. Seriously, this has been the first year in several that I have truly and honestly been excited about my birthday. (I'm really looking forward to 30 next year!)

That's when it hit me... staring me right in the face for the last 3 months. I am 100% happy more than I have been in years. Those two jobs that were a bad fit just sucked the life from me and I don't want that to happen again! I recently started looking for a job again... somewhat seriously anyway and found myself immediately sucked back into applying for the same type of job I just left. How crappy is that. Its like this great fall back but in 2 years or less I will be unhappy again. So now I am running wild in my head trying to figure out just how I can possible keep this feeling. How can I make it last longer. I'm happier (and by proxy my husband and son are happier. =P) The only problem is that life doesn't run on happiness, we need funds to make it go. So... now to brainstorm!



For the fiber folks, I have spent the last 3-4 days spinning the roving below. Its coming along well but now I am stuck. When I made the roving my idea was for it to be a semi-striping single to knit or crochet. Now I'm thinking I should ply it... then I saw the lovely coils on the Ravelry forum and thought... this will make great coils. ARGHHHH! I can't decide. So, lets take a poll, what do you think?

March 1, 2009 - Macon, GA

It was a very beautiful sight indeed.

Just a little laugh to keep you going...

I walked into my bedroom yesterday and saw this:

According to my husband he has .... are you ready






"Sheep Apnea"



I admit, I laughed... it was funny. But wait, there is more. As my husband left the house a little while later he said "If he doesn't wear the mask at night he Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa's the whole time." My husband had just stepped outside so I did what any logical wife would do.... I closed the door. =P
Yes, I know I married a nut!

A lot of love and a little mingling

I have always thought that my family was perfectly suited to me. Sure I gripe and grumble and yes I nag at TheBoy and TheMister to do this and do that. Really that's just part of what being a mom/wife calls for sometimes. Fortunate for me its days like today that remind me that they really know me, love me, and want the best for me.
Growing up, Valentines Day wasn't all about celebrating the "love" of your life (i.e. significant other, sex partner etc..) but just showing that you cared. When we hit high school my mom bought us little Valentine's Day to showed she cared. Also, high school is when kids are at their worst and I wasnt getting any cards or candy because I just wasn't popular enough. Sometimes being an adult is not much different unless you have a great family and a great bond. Sure some adults don't feel the need to spend money to show they love someone, and thats perfectly alright. My family just gifted me with the sweetest surprise gift yesterday.

To start is this:



On the left is a brand new enamel dyepot so that I can work on dying more than one batch of fiber at a time. More effective for the store and less time consuming. Jay said he really wanted to encourage me to keep up with the progress and level of productivity I've gotten since losing my job. YAY hubby! Oh, and there is more....


Inside the pot was a special selection of goods just for me. The "U-R GR8" heart, frog stickers and a teddy bear card from my baby boy, Dyl. I also got another (personal =P) card from hubby, a tub of jelly hearts and everything else you see in the picture above. The small scissors are to complete my scissor trifecta so now I have 8-inch Ginghers, Fiskars pinking shears and small embroidery/detail scissors. I also got a mini (1.5 inch) sticker maker with a refill adhesive cartridge.
I'm so happy with my little gifts I could squeal! I won't but I could. As I've gotten older I realize that family is very special to me and I couldn't have married a better fellow or had a better son!


On another quick note, here is what I was working on yesterday that I hope to add to the Mix and Mingle section of the store soon.

It's handspun mill ends in the same color set as Faded Forestry. I noticed in Etsy chat people would like the colors but they were not spinners. Hopefully this will add some options for those who really like the combination and are able to knit or crochet. Unfortunately since these are spun from millends, I can't guarantee that the yarn will felt or not felt. There is also some variation in color in certain areas because of the varying wool composition .

Writers block...

I wanted to write about the sales to shipping process. I have a post all ready to publish but to be honest, I don't think its good enough. So I will not publish my post but will work on something more interesting.

Speaking of, I have added three new listings to my Etsy store recently and a couple to my Artfire. I plan to add more and do more in the coming months. I have a little extra time between "looking" for a job so I hope to fill out both stores.

Please leave a comment if there is something you would like to see in the store!

Thanks for your patience during my sudden "life change."

Sincerely, Froggy

big HUGE news

I got laid off today.
Seriously, I'm doing a happy dance. Money may not be great but I was needing a real mental break. I'm taking an extended weekend and then I can worry about making decisions come Monday. =D

No Sew No show...

So I was totally going to blog about the "no sew" fleece blanket my son and I made yesterday. Then the sky sorta fell open this afternoon. As it turns out, a couple of weeks ago we made some prerequisite calls to the last known location of currently estranged relatives. Per the lawyer part of the adoption process is making an attempt to contact the birth parent. Well wouldn't you know it, her aunt was able to contact her and she called. She even wanted to speak to TheBoy. We were very hesitant but let him call her back for a couple of minutes. What else were we supposed to do? So now with the holidays upon us we have to wait for the next step. The lawyer is closed this week, his counselor is closed this week..... so right now we're doing what we can to keep him distracted. Just letting him talk about it some and letting him veg out some too.

Tomorrow I will blog the blanket... he is really excited about being a blog post. Kids are so sweet.

I think my mind is on the edge. I haven't written in a while and I can't really come up with much to say at the moment. Not long ago my family and I had a car accident. Everything is settled out now, car paid off, new car, moving on. I miss my old car. It was a Scion Xa. It was like part of the family in a way. In the last 3 years my family has been through hard times with money and crazy baby-mama drama and what. This was our bought new, affordable gas mileage car. It really came in handy when gas hit 4 dollars plus.
Now its been deemed a total loss. Our new vehicle is a used Chrysler Pacifica. So many things to get used to. I'm near afraid to drive now. just a little over three years ago I was in an accident at an intersection. First car, first accident, the other driver was deemed careless. This time I made the mistake and my husband and eight yr old were in the car. Just a random moment and I forgot that I was driving and went through an intersection.

Well that's it. I just broke down crying just now. I hadn't before so I guess it was just time.
*Deep Breath, Exhale*
Well now, I guess its time to move forward...

life happens....

or so we are told.

I'm posting short and sweet tonight. The spinning demo went well. It turns out it wasn't at the Sweetwater Festival but at the Allied Arts building across the street. There was a mix of traditional arts being performed for the passerbys. I did spinning, my friend did pine needle baskets. Goodness those things are time consuming! I also saw a wood turner, blacksmith and white oak basket weaving.

I loved being out there. The people were so very friendly and it took my mind off the car accident my family and I were in. No one was hurt, just a few sprains between me and TheBoy, but it was just last Thursday and it already seems like it was forever ago. Looking on the plus side, we are renting this neat candy apple red Chevy HHR. I even got to use cruise control! I have always wanted cruise control.

Anyway, as you can imagine this comes at a crap time. We were almost caught up on the bills from moving and Christmas is right around the corner. TheMister and I had pretty decent plans for TheBoy but now we just have to wait and see how everything shakes out. *sighs* I'm not always the greatest at patience.

My Civic Duty

For the better part of this week I have participated in one of two processes in which a person will ever directly take part in the democratic process. At least that is what I was told by the court clerk. That's right all, I have jury duty.

Of course, in an effort not to infringe on any rights or be found in contempt of court for being verbose.... I'm not saying anything about jury duty. It's something that has to be done whether one likes it or not. That being said I find there is no joy in sitting through a court case only to find out that you are the alternate juror. So what does the alternate juror do? NOTHING! I'm not in the deliberation room, I'm not in the courtroom. I sit outside watching all the people going by and occasionally being checked on by the bailiff.

My new statement/definition (for the day) is:



Alternate Juror - All the advantages of a juror with none of the advantages of a juror.


This is a smart crowd I'm sure you know what I mean.